4 more or so weeks to go.
I'm grasping to find how to describe the feeling.
One thing is for sure though.
I am officially a turtle.

I move slow and I'm totally okay with it. I feel a wave of fear anytime I have to transition to laying flat on my back for the possibility that I won't be able to roll over completely to my side is a very real thing now. My hips and pelvis hate me. In fact, they are in cahoots to separate completely from the rest of my body.

I think I must look really brave and at peace to everyone around me but truthfully, I am just as nervous as I was for my first birth experience. Yes, I should be a pro if not just for the sake of repetition but really, every birth is it's own journey and Mama-la hasn't ceased to remind me that giving birth for a woman is like having one foot in life and the other in the grave. It is one of the biggest moments of a woman's life where the rubber meets the road in regards to faith and surrender. I am completely humbled to be a participant again in something so miraculous. People joke with me about whether this "will be the last one." I wish they could understand how completely incapable I am to even think beyond "this one." How deeply honest I am when I smile, shrug and answer: "Just let me get this little guy here safe and sound."

Lord please give me the courage to trust in what You have designed and empowered my body to do.
Yes, this will be our 5th labor and delivery; the 3rd (hopefully) natural and un-medicated one but it will be our first home birth.
I am so thankful for many thoughtful and encouraging family and friends and to know that Mama-la (20+ years of ICU nursing expertise) will be by our side as well as our midwife and a doula. I am deeply blessed by the stories of family and friends who have gone through their own successful home births or have considered  or are planning to have home births of their own. It is comforting beyond belief to not be on this journey alone.

We have our "list" in hand and I am also thankful for the best partner in all the world, Ed, who will be busy getting everything ready while also holding down the home front as I just keep my focus on running my own race for these next 4 or so weeks.

Baby Des, we can't wait to meet you but take your time, little one. Take all the time you need to get strong and ready for your own journey "earth-side".

Thank you for the love and prayers everyone. They are so deeply cherished.